Larxene's Craving
by shadowjessica
Summary: Larxene wants something and she usually gets what she wants...or else, and guess who gets to find out the hard way not to mess with a pregnant lady, especially one as crazy as Larxene? Warning:  Axel-abuse and Larxene craziness x infinity x infinity


"Axel! Axel!" shrieked the cry of a blonde siren one starry night. The spiky red-haired stretched in response to the siren's cries. "What does that hormone generator want now?" he groaned as he scratched his head and got up. It soon became apparent that Axel was rudely awoken from a very relaxed and peaceful nap. The stairs, however, would soon prove to be a challenge to the warrior when he finally reached them. The building which was his and the siren's home was small, or at least the combination living room-kitchen made it appear that way. The second level, which was only 3 bedrooms, a closet, and 1 bathroom, expanded the house on the other hand. The hallway had nothing too extravagant about it outside of a sparsely-cluttered floor.

Anyway, as Axel reached the stairs, he slipped on a roller skate and slammed face first into the stairs, making a huge boom in the process. "Darn skates…Larxene could've at least put the tin can from hell away…but no, her royal highness is too lazy…" Axel grumbled as he picked up the skate and tossed it in to the trash can. 'Right where it belongs.' he thought. He would have thought some more if he wasn't hit in the head by a rogue book just then. "Axel, what the hell are you doing? Get up here!" The siren shouted. "Shut the *censor* up, Larxene. I'm coming." Axel shouted back as he made his way to his and the siren named Larxene's room, dodging more flying objects, but getting hit by a jewelry box, skateboard, and dresser (he miraculously survived). When he arrived, he, bruised and all, looked to see the crazy vixen look at him with her famous 'where-the-hell-were-you?-This-baby-is-making-me-want-something!' look. The hand over her ever-ballooning belly told Axel that whatever she wanted had something to do with their baby. "What the hell do you want now, Larxene? It's 3 AM and…"

"…and you can't get my chocolate and raspberry flavored strawberries at this time of night, right? Well, tough rocks, baby-daddy dummy head! Go and get them!" Larxene demanded of her baby daddy. "No way, get up off your royal a-"Axel replied before he saw the evil glare that said 'Say it and die.' Finally, he caved and said, "Alright, I'll get your strawberries." Larxene clapped and giggled with euphoric glee.

Axel rubbed his aching and throbbing head while he walked through the danger area that was their room. He went into the nearby closet and grabbed black jeans, a black shirt, and a pair of sneakers. He walked out of the room and tripped on the stairs, this time going down the whole flight and hitting the wall downstairs. "Damn, I'm getting abused today. First, I get yelled at. Then, I trip on the stairs, and finally, I get hit with crap and get ordered around by a beach ball-bellied witch! What else can go wro-ow!" Axel was rudely interrupted by a rogue book that happened to come flying by.

"I heard you! Get going!" The pregnant vixen shouted. Knowing full well what could be thrown at him next, Axel bolted out the door as fast as he could, then he ran faster than that down the street. Finally, he got to the store that held his little lifesavers. Unfortunately, bad luck happened to be with him, because the Moogle Convenience Store was all closed up.

"What the hell? I ran all this way for this?" Axel freaked out for a second. Then, an idea came to him. "That's it! The store down the road should have them!"

He dashed off in the direction of the next store which, hallelujah, was open 24 hours. "Yes! Now for those damn strawberries!" Axel went off in the direction of the store's produce section, where he stopped to gape at the nonexistent selection of chocolate raspberry flavored strawberries.

"What? This is just great…" Axel put his hands in his pocket and sulkily walked out of the store. Just as he stepped out, however, the store's manager called out to him. "Hey, young man, if you're looking for Chocolate-Raspberry Strawberries, you should try the WalMart a few blocks down on the left. They usually have a good supply." Axel's ears perked up at that sound, and at that moment, so did an angel. "Yes! Thank you!" He said while dashing in walmart's direction, only to find it closed down.

Axel's face immediately went white at the sight of the vacant building.

"Sorry, sir. If you're looking for WalMart, it closed down last month. It'll be a new parking garage in a few month's time here."

"A-A PARKING GARAGE? How's that supposed to save me from dying at the hands of my girlfriend?" Axel complained to the construction man. Much to his chagrin, though, the man already had his earplugs in and the jackhammer going. Just then, he spotted the next best thing to what he was looking for: Orange-flavored Pretzels across the street at the local corner store for 709 munny. "I have to go for the next best thing, I suppose. Damn Larxene and her baby cravings…" He uttered as he walked in the store.

When he got home from the hunt with his spoils, it was already 6 AM.

"Damnit, I have to be at the organization in an hour. That's my punishment for knocking up a girl, I guess." Axel uttered as he walked back up the stairs.

Axel walked into the room to find Larxene in tears on the bed as she cried relentlessly. He cautiously approached her, knowing what could happen possibly in the next minute. In a way, it pained him to see her like this. "Larx…Larxene, are you ok? Did…did I do something to upset you?" He cautiously asked her. She looked up at him with pained eyes and waterfalls coming out of them.

"Where were you? I thought you left me…left us. WAHH!" Larxene wailed out of her grown puppy dog eyes.

"Larxene, I'm sorry. I was looking for the Chocolate-Raspberry Strawberries you like so much. Here, I wasn't able to-"

All the while he was explaining himself, Larxene eyed the bag in his hand and leapt for them. "GIVE ME THEM!" She shouted. "Fine, then…" Axel said coolly.

"Here's your food, Larx. It might not be to your liking, though." He warned her, although it was in vain as she ripped the bag open to find pretzels instead of strawberries. "You fool! I said I wanted Chocolate-Raspberry Strawberries, not Orange Pretzels!" She threw the bag full of them into his face. "It was all I could get! Do you know what I went through to try to get your damn strawberries, and still I couldn't find'em? Do you?"

"No, but I know what you're about to go through…" Larxene groaned and warned. Axel only looked on in terror as she brought out her ultimate secret weapon: a pillowcase full of nitroglycerin-laced gravy.

"L-L-Larx. wait a minute, I grabbed the wrong thing by mistake!" Axel tried to no avail to save his ass, leaving Larxene to get up out of bed and chase him around the house with her pillowcase of explosive gravy.

"The hell you did!"

"No-No, wait, Larxene, honey, please!"

"Say goodnight!" Larxene said with an evil look in her eyes. In the next moment, she swung it at Axel.

"N-No, wait, please! AHH!" Then there was an explosion as their house blew up with only Larxene and a mangled Axel remaining in one piece.

"That'll teach you to mess around with me, asscrack." Larxene said as she walked away from Axel.

Axel, injured and all, looked on as she walked away.

"Damn…next time, it's condoms."

shadowjessica: Yes, I'm back from the dead again. I abused poor Axel lol.

Axel: how is what you did to me any funny?

Shadowjessica: Because it was just funny and this idea of mine was born from me talking with my best friend one night on a church van of all places.

Axel: So you talked about ways that you can abuse me?  
>SJ: No, we just-<p>

Larxene: Guys, the baby just kicked. Here, feel him moving?

Axel: Not now wench, I have to kill Jessica.

Larxene: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?  
>Axel: Oh s***…*begins getting chased around yet again by Larxene*<p>

SJ: *While Larxene is busy trying to murder Axel yet again* See you guys next story! Oh, and before I forget and get myself banned from the website as a result, Ax and Larxene are property of Disney/Square Enix/Nomura Tetsuya himself.


End file.
